Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I deserve this hangover.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
