so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
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After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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