'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
