remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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