Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Oh god it's open bar.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize