I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
