I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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