Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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