I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
