I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
