Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
