in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
