It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
