I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
