I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
