You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Let's paint friendship bongs
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
