i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
