I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
