I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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