If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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