oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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