By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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