Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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