i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
