whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
