So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
