I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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