dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
