No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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