Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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