Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
