Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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