Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
