She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
