i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Terrible idea I love it
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
