i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
