wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
