so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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