I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
