Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
