Got a toothbrush?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel