im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
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Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.