If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
