I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
lol hangovers are for mortals.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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