I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
