I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
