Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
