Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
