maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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