I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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