I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
