pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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