my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
