I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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