and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
