So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
