she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
