My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You smell like stripper and shame
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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