then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Pooping to opera.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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