I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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