I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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