she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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