chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I've blown a few things in my day
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
