Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
