You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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