dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
how drunk are you?
Several
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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