I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
